When was the last time you had a bit of space all for yourself?? I seriously don't remember when.
It all starts even before my eyes open for the day. I would've been probably somewhere near deep sleep at 7.00 a.m.Yea, you read it right. Deep sleep at 7.00 a.m. Coz I'd have gone to sleep sometime close to 3.00. No, I don't work in a call centre and neither am I one of those software geeks, who has discarded the theory of 24 hours for a day. Its just that Mr. Robert Ludlum is such rascal that I just couldnt keep that goddamn book down last night! Now, where was I, ah yes, just when I drift into deep sleep, my dearest roomie comes over and says, "Balajee, konjam kaal edu, en brush edukkanum". Somebody please explain to this guy that I dont do it deliberately. I go to sleep in the 6 o'clock posture like everybody else but somehow my body conspires and twists to a 2.45 position and I end up placing my legs over the guy's shaving kit.
"Humppf" is my pseudo-acknowledgment and roll over. In a few minutes, my other roomie brings in a plate of rava upma and yells, "Dei, thallu da. I need to eat" and I go rolling back to my original place again.
I wake up successfully negotiating the chases and the firing by the Corsicans who somehow have teleported themselves from that novel into my dreams. Ten minutes for the brushing and the ablutions, and am ready to go and sell current accounts to "corporates". And just at the very moment I go to pick up my plate for breakfast and move to the sink to wash it, the maid comes over. "Sir, konjam thallunga, plate kazhuvanum". Had it been my roomie, my reaction would've been totally different. But then God has his own ways of keeping mortals in check. I silently move over and let her do her job.
Cut to the parking lot. I need to pick up my bike. Do I need to tell you guys that the parking lots are perhaps the most profitable pieces of real estate in India today? I seriously think the guys break-even in the first hour of operations. PARKING FULL reads the black board written in big letters in chalk. I hunt for my bike and as everyday I always start my search someplace else and somehow using up all my morning prayers 10 mins back, I find my bike on time. Now comes the difficult part, getting out of the parking lot. "Sir, please move", "Yow, poya!", " Excuse meee"(that was the neighbor girl :D) and a couple of other unmentionables and a symphony of honkings later, I am out on the road!
The signal. Its a clear RED. Does someone in this country realize that the RED and the GREEN are two different PRIMARY colors!! RED means STOP! and GREEN means GO! I mean, the government spends so much on the red LEDs but then, its such a pity, people stop only when they "have" to(like when there's a mad bull running towards them, which is a highly unlikely scenario, as bulls don't like competition). Now, if this is the case, the government should seriously think of other colours like a blue signal or perhaps mauve or peach or other RDB colors ( not the RGB scale). I make a mistake of standing first at the STOP line. The guy behind me, his perseverance is unbelievable. I think he took a crash course in irritating others from RGV. He honks and gestures me to move a bit. I shake my head profusely but then he tries to give me a smile that looks like he's somehow negotiating a bad tummy. Reminds me of Russel Peters' description of the "convincing Indian smiles". I move only half a centimetre and somehow his 30 inch wide bike squeezes past and he's off!
I reach my office feeling relieved. I look at the watch. Oh no! The attendance register. I run (and thats my exercise for the day) to the admin room only to see there are 2 others waiting to sign it. Thank god, I'm not alone. I had that sadistic pleasure that you get only when you have scored 46 on 100 in math paper and yet you try to figure out how many have "just passed". As I sign, I hear my colleague behind me say "Move it man, lemme sign".
I head to my desk. Ok, now let me be honest. There is no "my desk" in my bank. There is a desk. And I use it. So its my desk when I use it. Its my desk NOW. I login and check for mails. I start doing something when the other USER of the desk comes over and "Balajee, can you move a bit, I need to take some papers from the lower draw". I get up magnanimously and offer him the seat. He sits on it, looks up and asks " Do you need the PC now? " which translated from corporate lingo to everyday usage means "I need the PC now".
I head out of the office to have some tea at the shop outside. Now if there's any business that can give the parking lot guys a run for their money, its the tea-shop. After some negotiations, I finally ask for a tea. I grab my glass and the shop owner shouts, "Sir, konjam thallunga, pinnala vaanganum illa?"
Lunch time, I head to Sangeetha. I park my bike at a vacant space. The watchman blows his whistle from somewhere. "Sir, inga no parking. Please move there".
Pushing and shoving inside the Sangeetha. Now, we have an interesting way of saying " Move" without even opening our mouth. Wanna know how? Try eating at Sangeetha. Even before you get started on your curd-rice, there is a guy standing behind you to "catch" your seat after you finish eating! And there is an inverse relationship between the quantity of the curd rice in your plate and the number of guys standing behind your table.
Same applies for the hand-wash. The concept of community program works perfectly well here. I open the tap, some body else washes his hand first. Then he keeps his hand under the tap till his wife takes over. And then she holds it till her 3 year old kid comes over wearing his "cooling" glasses, a cap and clutching the toy in his left hand. The hand wash is way over the kid's head. All that the kid knows is he has raised his hand and his mom's hand is wet. And she's cleaning his. You got to hand it to the woman here. All this while, I look with the eyes of Jason Bourne for a millimetre of gap between the tap and the hands and she successfully keeps me at bay. The woman grabs the kid's right hand, washes it with hers and then walks off casually, giving me the privilege of closing the tap all by myself.
Inside the office, same story. This time a different USER.
Tea time. Repeat.
Time to go home. I walk out of the bank, I see someone I know. I stand there and exchange pleasantries. Oops, we are in the middle of walkway to the entrance. We move aside. The security guard comes over. "Sir, I have to stand here".
I reach home a bit late. Got delayed at the restaurant. Damn tired I am. I change over. No Robert Ludlum tonight.
All my roomies are already asleep. I switch off the lights.
Like everybody else, I have my own sleeping spot. I walk over to it.
I complete the circle.
"Dei, thallu daa. I need to sleep"
